Yet again, I'm posting another picture with flowers...opps! (at least they're pretty). To be honest I didn't know what to put as the "cover photo" for this post. Nothing was standing out to me in my mind. And frankly I wanted to get this post up ASAP, so I didn't have time to be a photographer for the day. I hope y'all don't mind me recycling photos. I'm sure I'm not the only one haha!
I guess I want to start off by saying thank you for all the sweet comments on my last post. The fact that strangers are commenting that they'll pray for my family, is incredibly awesome. A few things have happened since then. I wrote that post discussing my family member's situation of battling for his life on Thursday. Well that day, he seemed to be doing better and things looked positive for him. The next morning at 6 AM though, that's when things went downhill. Later that Friday, he ended up passing away. The weird coincidence is that my post titled "We're Not Here Forever" went live at 6AM: the exact time his health took a turn. That's honestly too freaky. I'm not saying I had anything to do with death, but I just can't get that coincidence out of my head. If you read that post, you know that I debated writing it for a year. Something inside me felt the need to FINALLY just post it. I'm honestly so glad I did. If I published it a day later, it would've been too late: he would've been gone at the point.
Just yesterday, we went to his house to visit his wife and son. I chose not to sit in the rocking chair because that's where he always sat. Instead I opted to sit on the couch. While we were chatting/grieving, I kept thinking when is he going to walk through the door? When is he going to come home from work? I had to remind myself though, that he's not. He's gone FOREVER. I couldn't even look at pictures of him with his family. It made me too sad. I guess I didn't realize how serious his condition was until I saw this bag filled with about 50+ bottles of pills. At that moment I realized he didn't really even get to enjoy is last year on Earth. It was spent with this depressing disease. I haven't seen him in a year since his diagnosis. Part of me regrets that. At the same time, if I did go visit him while he was battling this war, what would I say? And everyone keeps saying to remember how he was in the past, not what he went through. So maybe it was a good thing I didn't see him hooked up to four different fluids and all this machinery. Instead, I'll have the memory of a sweet fellow with a jolly laugh.
His wife brought up a good point. She doesn't struggle as much at nighttime as she does in the morning. Bright and early, she used to go visit him at the hospital. Now when she wakes up, she has to face the fact that she won't see or talk to him. In a way I can relate to her. I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for the summer. Every morning I face that fact that I can't kiss/hug him good morning and I can't physically touch him. While I still have the memories of us together and I can always text him, he's not in my presence. The difference is I know at the end of the summer (or hopefully sooner), I'll get to see him....she won't. I can only imagine when she wakes up in that house all by herself that she's thinking "what's the point of living?". "Now what?".
Anyhow, I'm not really quite sure how to end this. But be on the look out for some new fashion posts. I have some really cute summer outfits to share. And just remember to be grateful for EVERYTHING. You never know how great you have it, until you lose it.
, by Kate Kouture