Long DistanceThursday, May 11, 2017
Let me just start off by saying what triggered this post was my boyfriend leaving me for the summer. When I word it that way, it sounds like a bad situtaion, but I promise you, it's not. We live in different states, so when college ends for the summer, we head back to our hometowns.
Sunday was the day my boyfriend was scheduled to leave. That entire week I knew that he would be leaving in the back of mind. Since we were separated last summer, I knew what to expect. So, I didn't really focus on thinking about it. Saturday came and I hung out with my friends practically the whole day. I had fun catching up with them and trying new excursions, but on the 1.5 hr ride home, I became sad. I would say that's when it really hit me. Part of me felt guilty being that this would be our last day/night together. I couldn't wait to be back in his presence and have our little date night. As soon as I saw him though, that sadness disappeared and I forgot about it until Sunday morning.
Since a lot of the mess/crumbs in his room came from me, I figured I would help him clean his room. During that time I didn't really think about him leaving either. I was more focused on vacuuming every last crumb and wiping away every last sticky spot. When my boyfriend left the room to pull up his car while I stayed in his room, that's when it hit me again. My eyes started tearing up and my nose started to run. I looked like a complete mess. I told myself to calm down because my boyfriend was coming back any minute. And I was right, a minute later he walked through the door. I tried not to make eye contact while he loaded his laundry baskets in the car. Thank goodness he didn't notice any sign of sadness.
After he checked out of his place, he helped me move some furniture around. While doing that, I twisted the wrong way or something and I felt "out of place". I just can't explain it other than the fact that I started to cry. This time, my boyfriend notice. He was so sweet and wiped away the tears. Compassionately, he asked if I was okay. Being the "strong" woman that I am, I nodded my head. I think I was more in shock of slightly injuring myself than anything.
When we finished with the whole furniture fiasco, we played one last game of chess before he hit the road. That's one thing I haven't told you guys. I've become obsessed with chess. My boyfriend and I have been playing at least once a day. For the longest time I always thought of the game as "nerdy", but now I see it as a game of competition.
During our game I honestly didn't say much because I was still in "shock" and honestly wasn't in the greatest mood because of it. It didn't help that it was 2:00 and all I had for the day was Honey Nut Cheerios. I knew that after this game, I'd have to say goodbye to him, so I forced myself to lighten up. I don't know if he wasn't paying attention or if he did it on purpose, but I FINALLY beat my boyfriend! We've been playing for months, and I finally have a victory. You have no idea how happy I was.
After the game we were silent for a couple of seconds. He looked at me and kissed me. That's when I started crying again. He said that we would make plans to see each other and that he loved me. He nodded my head and could barely make out the words, " I love you too." We both got up to walk to his car. With his arms wrapped around me, he said, "Big girls don't cry". I let out a slight smile and laugh, but honestly nothing was going to make me feel better. I wished that I had time to shower that morning to do my hair and put on some makeup. I didn't want his last memory of me to be "ugly". Oh well, I guess that means he's a real trooper if he can handle me being a mess. Though, When he left, I balled my eyes out, and I'm not exaggerating.
Where I'm getting at with this story is the fact that I'm still emotional about the good bye. Sad/ballad songs as well as love songs, make my eyes water and just crave him ever more. While I know I'll see him again, the thought that at the moment I can't cuddle him or give him a kiss kills me. I keep wishing for one last smooch, one last hug, one last touch, one last laugh, one last smile, one last game of chess. One last anything. Why can't he just be sitting next to me right now. I know once a week or two passes, I won't be as emotional. Right now though, the heartbreak is the strongest. The one thing that's keeping me staying positive and excited is the fact that I've had a couple job interviews scheduled. I'm crossing my fingers that one of them work out. I could use some positivity, especially since my acne has been at its worst. I have no clue, why I have so many extreme breakouts. These are not just baby breakouts, these are the kind that are puffy and hurt like hell. I looked in the mirror this morning and didn't even recognize myself. I'm not sure if it's from one of the products I'm using or the stress. Either way, I'm hoping it clears up fast.
I suppose we can't end on a negative note, so let's talk about my resolution for this month. A lot of bloggers have mentioned the majority of their views come from Pinterest. I used to go on all the time in high school, but stopped for some reason. So it's my goal to be more active on the site and pin my blog pictures to my account.
This was an incredibly long post, so if you made it through it all, comment <3